Allowing a feeling means noticing and feeling it in yourself without letting it dictate what you say or do. This differs from either expressing everything immediately or bottling it up to avoid bothering anyone.

What makes a feeling spill over onto other people? Do we identify with it so quickly that “anger is here” becomes “this is who I am,” followed by an automatic reaction? Notice the experience more precisely. There may be heat in the chest or a dissatisfied thought. Recognizing these movements helps you understand how the anger is affecting you.

Even strong feelings develop under particular conditions and change as those conditions change. You can feel them without immediately adding a story or acting them out. There is a familiar bodily comparison: needing the toilet. You recognize the sensation, and you also take account of the situation. You find an appropriate place rather than either deny the need or meet it anywhere, regardless of others.

With emotions, too, you may need time and privacy to feel what is happening. As you recognize the experience without holding on to it or acting automatically, your response can become steadier. A strong feeling can be here while you continue treating other people with care.